Be still

I had an interesting experience while I was hiking one afternoon this fall, one that I've been thinking about and trying to figure out since. The central idea of this experience was a phrase that shows up in the scriptures--"Be still and know that I am God." It came clearly and powerfully to me that afternoon, like a gentle command. If you want to know more deeply that I am God, be still, He seemed to say to me. The action is be still.

My first reaction was honest frustration, I think because I did not yet understand what He was asking me to do. Be still seemed to me to be an impossible request--to stop being busy, to somehow find time to slow down and stop being chaotic long enough to feel something spiritual. I think that's a great idea, but I can't quit my job. I'm not eating right because I don't get to the grocery store on a regular basis. I'm lucky if I get 5 or 6 hours of sleep most nights. What do I cut out of my life in order to "be still?" Temple attendance? Visiting teaching? Clearly there was something I didn't understand, so I started searching.

I followed the footnotes in D&C 101:16 where that phrase occurs. It led me to one of the most iconic stories of the Old Testament, and a new understanding of that command to be still. In Exodus 14, Moses has led the children of Israel out of Egypt, but the Lord commands him to encamp in the wilderness by the Red Sea. His plan is to draw the pharoah and his troops out thinking that Moses has made a tactical mistake and led his people into a dead end. It works. The pharoah pursues them, and the Israelites in their spiritual immaturity begin to fear and murmur. In verses 11 and 12, they say to Moses "Because there were no graves in Egypt thou hast taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt? Is this not the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness."

Moses, ever the patient prophet, responds with a command that echoes D&C 101. He says "Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord...the Lord shall fight for you and ye shall hold your peace." The Egyptians are bearing down on them, they are encircled by wilderness, at the banks of the Red Sea, with no hope for escape. And the command is to be still--hold your ground, banish your fear, and trust your God to fight your battle for you.

I'm much like the children of Israel. I feel like I'm wandering in the wilderness right now--like I've hit a dead end with no avenue for escape. I am afraid. My trials are probably pretty small, but I fight not to be overwhelmed by my fear of them every day. I am guilty of asking the Lord, probably more than once, why on earth he would lead me to this point--why, when I've sought His will and done my best to submit to it, I would end up here. Fear not, He says, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. Be still, Marilee, and know that I am God.

It's not about the busy-ness and the chaos of adult life. There's always going to be more to do than I can get done. It's about standing my ground; it's about trusting Him enough to seek Him and follow Him, even when I'm scared spitless, pharoah's troops are bearing down on me, and the Red Sea seems to be blocking my way. Fear not. Be still, stand still and know that He can and will deliver me.

When the pharoah was about to overtake them, the Lord commanded Moses to stretch his rod over the sea. He did, and the Lord sent an east wind that divided the sea and the Israelites walked on dry ground between walls of water to escape the Egyptians. When they were safe, the water receded and pharoah's chariots were washed away. The Lord had brought the children of Israel there to save them, not to scare them. He wanted, needed really, the Egyptians to see and know the salvation of the Lord. He wanted those who had repeatedly denied His commands to see the power that is available to those who trust Him and are obedient.

I'm trying to stand my ground. I'm trying to trust Him enough to stand still in the hope that as I do, somehow my own little "Red Sea" will recede and dry land will appear. I can't say the fear is gone, but I can be still, even in the face of that fear, and I know that He is God.